How to Use This Tool
We've all been there staring at our phone, finger hovering over the send button, wondering if we should text that person. This tool helps you pause and think through your situation logically.
Step 1: Answer Honestly
The decision tree will ask you a series of questions about your relationship with the person and your current situation. Be honest with yourself for the best advice.
Step 2: Consider the Advice
Based on your answers, you'll receive personalized guidance. Remember, this is just advice it's ultimately your decision.
Step 3: Trust Your Gut
This tool provides logical guidance, but your intuition matters too. If something feels off, listen to that feeling.
When This Tool Is Most Helpful
This decision helper works best for:
- Early dating situations where you're unsure about texting frequency
- Considering reaching out to an ex
- Wondering if you're texting your crush too much or too little
- Deciding whether to text during or after a disagreement
- Professional or friendship boundaries
Frequently Asked Questions
It depends on your intentions and the situation. If you want closure, make sure texting them will actually help you move on, not keep you stuck. If you want them back, give it at least 30 days of no contact first, and be prepared for any response. If it's for practical reasons (shared belongings, etc.), keep it brief and businesslike. Never text an ex when you're lonely, drunk, or emotional.
If you just had a good conversation, wait at least 24 hours to create some natural space and avoid seeming overeager. If it's been several days and you have a good reason to reach out (shared interest, interesting thing to share, making plans), go for it. The key is having a legitimate reason, not just texting "hey what's up" out of boredom.
If someone hasn't responded, don't send a follow-up. It puts pressure on them and can come across as needy. They saw your message. Give them space. If they're interested, they'll respond when they can. If it's been over a week and you have a legitimate new reason to reach out, you can try once more, but after that, take the hint.
After 10 PM, ask yourself: Is this time-sensitive? If not, wait until morning. Late-night texts can signal booty call vibes or desperation, even if that's not your intention. The exception is if you're already in an established relationship or have a texting pattern where late-night messages are normal.
Warning signs: You're always the one initiating, they respond with short answers, hours pass between responses, or you feel anxious waiting for replies. A healthy texting dynamic has balance both people initiate, responses are timely and engaged, and neither person feels pressure. If you're wondering if you text too much, you probably do.
No. Wait until you've calmed down. Emotional texts sent in the heat of the moment often lead to regret. Write out what you want to say in your notes app, then revisit it a few hours later or the next day. You'll almost always be glad you waited.
Good reasons include: Making plans, sharing something genuinely interesting that relates to your previous conversations, responding to their message, asking about something they mentioned, or checking in after a meaningful amount of time has passed. Bad reasons include: Boredom, seeking validation, jealousy, or trying to get a reaction.
You probably are! Different people have different texting styles. Some are immediate responders, others check their phone once a day. Don't judge interest level solely on texting speed. However, consistent patterns of disinterest (very short replies, long delays, not asking questions) usually mean what you think they mean.